SOBESKY OR DOPESKY?
Sobriety has been an important part of the lives of many 
American youths since teetotalling became popular in the,
"after school special"/"Just say Nancy", era of the early
'80s. But this phenomenon becomes much more troublesome 
and intriguing when it hits close to home, and affects one 
of the prominent party people ad well know n hedonists:
The irreverent Stephen J. Koffman. So I believe the question
must be asked: Sobeski (slang word for a sober person) or 
dopeski (slang word for an idiot)?

Stephen Koffman, otherwise known as Steve Bro, the Brahmin
or Reverend Bra of the Church of Love, has, as he calls
it, gone Sobeski. After graduating from college and indulging
in the many pleasures of his west coast homeland, he took 
a job at a private school in the quiet hills of western 
Massachusetts. The Desisto School, famous for the 
emotionally disturbed, socially inept, and maniacally stupid 
student body, is the place he now calls home. This two year 
pact with the devil was allegedly brought on by the constant
incomprehensible babble of his longtime nemesis and braincell
contortionist, John Lagreco (discussed in the most recent 
issue of the PROCRASTINATOR). "I think he snapped his pea 
brain," said Lagreco - his one-time partner at the infamous 
Church of Love - "but he should fit right in." This seems 
to be the consensus of those who know him as well as the 
inner circle of the Mud family. "It's like a cult. He's 
about one sandwich away from a picnic," says Matt Pedone, 
long time drummer and sandwich eater. Yes, he may be on the
edge, and friends and family are concerned.

Koffman has taken many steps to rid himself of his recent 
implements of destruction: "the demon weed" and the 
"oh-so-potent-firewater". In fact, he is on the twelve step
program and receives weekly psychiatric evaluations. The 
questions friends are asking is, why? "Drugs are the least 
of his problems," said the usually reticent Darren Barrett, 
"actually I always thought they helped."

What people must understand is that this is a job and it is
in no way an easy job to do, especially for Steve Bro. He is
merely trying to instill higher moral values in the lives of 
confused youths. "That's a crock," says Dave Parsons, guitar 
player and velcro enthusiast, "he's just trying to score with 
the young girlies." Yes, it is hard to believe and even harder
to understand. Steve Bro may be confusing the school's beliefs 
with his own, and this is very similar to what happens in a cult.

Koffman has been seen at various Mud shows preaching and 
discussing his new found beliefs. "I'm on a frank and beans 
diet now because the school is celebrating David Koresh month,"
he was recently misquoted while showing the band a pamphlet he 
was reading called Guns, Power, God and Chicks. People just smile,
nod and walk away, but that is no different from his college 
days. "Why would anyone want to be sober," said Dr. Twilight 
while peering over his half empty flask of bourbon, "you got 
any chaser for this?" Indeed, that is the question we face: 
Where is the chaser and what happened to Steve Bro?

We believe that he will be fine and this phase will pass 
with minimal damage done. He will gain a lot of experience from 
his job, and be drunk and stupid in no time at all. But as 
the weekend comes to a close, and he drives slowly back to 
western Massachusetts, the question still lingers: Sobeski 
or Dopeski?